Thursday, August 24, 2023
It All Mattered
Now that I am a mother I often wonder if the time, actions, worry, love and attention I put into my kids will matter. These same thoughts settled in my mind as I processed the death of Nana. I felt grief that I was not able to say goodbye or let her know that the attention she gave me mattered. The memories I created with Nana will stay with me forever. As a grandparent you don't have to care for your grandkids or be involved but Nana made sure she was a huge part of my life. I can easily say that beyond my parents our relationship was the single most important in my formative years and shaped who I am today.
These memories are a small fraction of a long list that shaped and enriched my life.
Growing up I never felt there were limits to what I could accomplish in life. I remember spending a day at LASCO Steel where Nana worked and I was amazed by her celebrity. Everyone was eager to tell me about her accomplishments and how they admired her. She was the only woman in her position selling scrap metal but beyond that she was highly respected and outperformed her colleagues. That day I left feeling proud of my Nana and empowered to write my own story of success.
I learned the gift of gab from Nana. No matter where we went Nana always seemed to engage people in endless conversations. She was a magnetic force that people enjoyed and admired. Rarely do people take the time to build up strangers but she never discriminated and was truly interested in people stories.
She taught me the importance of being independent. She would encourage me to try new things and take on challenges. She wasn't you run of the mill grandma that would caudle you but a straight shooter. At a young age she taught me how to make my own scramble eggs (water was the key) and before I was 16 I was "practicing" driving her car. She permitted me to live my life without fear of failure and provide opportunity for growth.
She gave me confidence in my abilities and supported my endeavors. As a young girl I enjoyed singing and she was my biggest cheerleader. She bought me a Les Misérables CD and encouraged me to sing while she listened. As a big surprise she took me and Kristin to see Les Misérables downtown Toronto. That night is my most fond and vivid childhood memory. Looking back I was not the song bird my Nana thought but she made me feel like I could conquer Broadway.
She taught me what it meant to be a good friend. I always loved to meet all Nana's friends and they were quick to take me in like family. I realize now that they were so kind to me because they genuinely loved my Nana. When I got older and had my own friends Nana forge relationships with them and they would clamor to spend time with her. She knew how to make people feel special, hold an interesting conversation, have fun and build relationships wherever she went.
We had a real closeness centered around a good laugh. I remember my favorite thing to do was sleep in her bed and she would let me stay up late watching Love Connection. We would laugh endlessly about the contestants and their bad dates. Without fail she called me every year on my birthday to sing Happy Birthday. Nana was not known for her singing voice and I would crack up to her flat note tune. I love that I got to belly laugh with my Nana and she taught me not to take life so seriously or myself.
In elementary school we were asked to write an essay about our hero. Most kids wrote about singers, movie stars and athletes while I wrote about my Nana. I vividly remember that the first person that came to mind was her. She was known at my school because every year she would buy exciting new books for our classroom and she would make a point to connect with my teachers and friends. She spent the time to make me feel loved, she was a friend, she was someone people enjoyed and she was my hero.
On this day and always please know you mattered to me and the imprints of our memories will live on forever.
Love,
Steff
